The other News From England - essays. June 19th., 1993. Technology stage 2 - Creebers. Introduction. Although creebing has been done for centuries, it has only been refined and mechanised in the latter half of the twentieth century. It is now so much a part of people's lives that they find it difficult to imagine a time when creebing had riot been Invented.

The modern creeber is a highly sophisticated pi~'ce of equipment, and yet at the same time it is accessible to everybody, md not difficult to use. Despite this, few people know how it works.

This leaflet is a brief but concise explanation of the function of the modern creeber and its many variants.

The main device The typical domestic creeber is a cylinder- ;haped piece of plastic with a selection of ears of varying lengths and bores projecting from it, to be used according to the particular situation in which the operator is creebing.

From the outside there is little more to it than that. But from the inside we have a different state of affairs. For each ear there is a monkel, that has been preset to the optimum monkeltcy for that particular ear. These monkels are joined directly both mechanically arid electronically to the feed cribes in the frebbling box to the rear of the machine, so that every time the device comes near any unsuitable item (such as a frog) a signal is given to the ears to retract, which is achieved by the retract pinkles on the inside.

The whole is powered both electrically and by the operator, who is required to pick up the machine and squeeze it round the middle to get the vibes into action. It seems rather strange that no more modern method has been arrived at for this particular aspect of the oper'tion, but by and large it works well enough. The frem skins on the outsidl' are the reason that it works so well, and it is therefore essential to k~p them in good order, preferably by giving them a good pockling from tiniL' to time. Some operators just immerse them in aspic, but it means r&'moving them and reinstalling them, which takes quite a lot of time and is not the easiest of jobs.

Inexperienced creebers should start on something easy, like a laurel wreath should they have one to hand, and graduate to more sophisticated situations like feathcr mattresses. There is nothing worse than finding yourself suddenly in a storm of feathers.

In my experience, the best creebers are (in Order of preference) the Friggrnan mark 5, Crimpipe-Neagler 42, Creebelux .37B, and the Natasha-Fenkel Bimbo 14. The othersaren't worth a light.

Technocrat